BLOGS

Have you, or anyone you’ve known, ever said you would never let your heart get broken again or let your Self get hurt again? How did you think you were going to DO that? Keep your Self out of a relationship that may hurt you or may end? Or end relationships before the other does? There are myriad ways people choose to TRY to avoid hurt!

Inadvertently, these efforts extend the suffering in this life. Why? Because ultimately, in this life, everyone looks for love, joy, fulfillment. Furthermore, humans are a group animal not independent. Consequently, everyone is looking for someone (I think that’s a song!). So, if someone is trying to avoid hurt then they are also avoiding relationships in some way. Even if they are avoiding intimacy, they are avoiding significant aspects of relationships.

What makes you or others go through such suffering to attempt to avoid hurt from loss or rejection? In some people, it can be that there was a loss in their life that was traumatic and they are trying to avoid the terror of the trauma that was. They are the few. For most, it is just not wanting to hurt. What about healing the hurt so that you can enjoy all relationships without needing to worry about where they are headed and if they are going to last?

Many are fearful not just because of the hurt, but because of hurt associated with other emotional experiences. Hurt, when caused by loss, can also bring up abandonment, loneliness, shame, and more. It is important to be aware of what you are experiencing so that you can heal and so that you can create the experiences you do wish to have. For example, if you are avoiding relationships because of hurt stemming from the rejection or abandonment then maybe you want to look at how to develop a relationship that grows rather than dissolves. In the meantime, you could work on healing the challenge of abandonment or rejection.

As you can begin to see that you cannot “do” this avoidance maneuver. It only causes the fear of the hurt to stay quite alive within you which will perpetuate the need to isolate which will perpetuate a loneliness. Avoidance will bring about the suffering in a different way while keeping the original pain alive in the background (so that you can avoid it!). Once the wound/challenge is healed you will not feel the same hurt you felt in the past. In fact, if you choose, you can heal to a point of not feeling hurt when a relationship ends – IF it ends!

Please share your comments on the blog OR if you have any personal questions please send me your question at AskKristen@KristenBomas.com. I look forward to hearing from you all!