How do you make a magikal holiday for your children even though, as parents, you are living separate?
The holiday season can be a challenge for the parents as well as the child when there is divorce or separation in the family. There are several things to consider and/or understand when desiring the best for your children’s and your holiday season. In brief, the child may experience such upsetting emotions as guilt and worry, anger and isolation. If those emotions are not addressed through communication and structure during the holidays, the child continues to grow with those internal experiences and skewed memories.
As parents, your communication with your ex-partner and your child are critical to the happiness and joy of the season. As a parent you too may be experiencing some painful emotions over the experience. It is important that you know how to share your pain with other adults so that you can be happy and proactive in the creation of the holiday season celebrations.
Traditions in the season keep consistency in a child’s life. If there is need to create and/or change tradition, be sure you include your child’s input. Ask what they are comfortable changing, what new ideas they have, and what they would like to keep. That way the change is not a further loss but a brand new birth/creation of a holiday tradition.
There are 7 areas of thought that I feel are important to this topic: creating an environment of acceptance and friendliness; supporting your children’s participation in their own holiday events; communication between you, your children, your ex-partner, and the grandparents; defining the experience you and your children wish to have during the holidays; keeping the love and love-based emotions alive; developing traditions and rituals; and being sure every gift given is filled with love. We will post one topic daily for 6 days!! We look forward to your feedback and questions!
We all have times in our life where we face loss during the holidays. I wish for you all a time of unity, love and joy. May this holiday season allow you the opportunity to be grateful for all the relationships you have!
Good article:) I am dealing with a client who is considering getting divorced and dreading the holidays–they have children. Any ideas?
Comment by Therese Tappouni —
Absolutely. If they choose to wait until after the holidays, they may also be choosing to stay united throughout the celebration. It becomes important that they communicate their desired experiences with one another. For example, if they wish to go through this time together, they need to ask if they want the holiday to be filled with joyous happy memories with and for their child. They then need to think of those areas of discussion that could lead to discord and agree to leave them out of the conversations. They need to spend time remembering what connected them in the beginning and agree to live out the holiday with the feelings they had for one another back them. Most important is COMPASSION!. In everything they say, display, and share, do it with compassion.
There are other ideas that I would be happy to share if you give more of idea of what would be helpful!
It is great to hear from you!!
love
k
Comment by admin —