BLOGS

It’s common conversation to talk about comfort foods. We all get a picture of certain foods when it is mentioned. Very few imagine healthy food from a living source for their comfort foods (unless it is a vegan recipe for macaroni and cheese or coconut macaroons). Still the concept of comfort foods as we have become accustomed in this country, are those foods that, for the most part, are “man made”. Let’s ponder a possible reason.

First let’s address the emotions that need to be comforted. All people have the same emotions. It is a universal language. We can take all of the emotions and divide them into love-based and fear-based emotions. The love-based emotions are love, acceptance, peace, joy, unity, etc. The fear-based emotions are fear, anger, hurt, loneliness, guilt, shame, rejection, attachment, etc. We can agree that most do not seek comfort when feeling love-based emotions. Therefore, most seek comfort when feeling fear-based emotions.

Let’s go one step further in our understanding of emotions in life. The love-based emotions are considered light. In fact, they make most of us feel light, open, and expansive. The fear-based emotions are dense and dark. They, in turn, make most of us feel burdened, closed, and small. It is the fear-based emotions that allow us to feel weighted down and, yet, at times, empty. It is the fear-based emotions that allow us to feel imbalanced, ungrounded, not centered. Consequently, it is the fear-based emotions (now called stress) that lead to illness and injury.

Let’s return to the topic at hand. If we are feeling a fear-based emotion (or 10) and are looking for comfort, you would think we would reach for love. Yet, when we are lonely, we tend to push people away and lock ourselves further into the loneliness. Right? As another example, when we are depressed we want to shrink back and die. We do not want to access help even though we wish for the rescue from the pain. This is how the fear-based emotions stay alive. They feed off of the fear within us. So, it is starting to make sense that our fear-based emotions would guide us to pick up foods that are equally destructive. Foods that would feed the very fear that is thriving inside. Food that is altered by processing. Food that was invented to create an addiction.

Let’s take a sidebar. Addiction. Addiction represents a person’s core fears. People have known for thousands of years that fear creates attachment to the very pain that is creating the fear in the first place. It is circular.

That being said, it is when we are feeling pain, out of sorts, out of balance, and/or not centered that we reach for the comfort foods (the addictive foods) that feed those very emotions. We reach for the very foods that feed the imbalance and any irregular cells in our body that are called cancer. We aren’t feeling good so we don’t want good food. We are feeling bad and want the “food we shouldn’ t eat” — the bad food. It is why we are hearing western medicine now say that stress causes or is a cause of cancer and illness.

In conclusion, when we are experiencing fear-based emotions in this life, we can understand why we reach for those foods that are most harmful to our health — they feed the fear! In the future, when we are feeling fear-based emotions and want to reach for comfort foods, let us stop for a moment and acknowledge the emotion. Let’s agree to ask ourselves, “If I had a child who was hurting right now, would I give them harmful foods or would I hold them and help heal their pain?” Then, maybe, we will pick up an apple or almonds and comfort ourselves with softness from within. That is when the healing of our pain will truly begin.

As a people, we seem to be defining ourselves as entitled. There are many examples. People don’t vote, but they want things to be in their favor. The father is handicapped, so it is ok for the adult child to use the tag for parking. Because someone has money, he or she feels they should get preferential treatment. Because the other has more money, a person feels deserving of that other paying for something. Even though the policy says one thing, a person who feels entitled feels he or she should be given special variance to that policy. There is the entitled thought that if a person yells loud enough and makes enough commotion, he or she will give or get money back or get their way!! A cop has numbers to make, so he or she dishes out a DUI to a person who makes a traffic error because he or she can (no care for the impact on that person). And so the stories go…

Until we stop thinking from this point of reference, we will not take responsibility to make the change needed on this plane. We are not entitled to all of Mother Earth’s resources or each other’s resources. In fact, we are not entitled — period. Many articles talk of entitlement synonymously with narcissism. While there is a cross over, they are each separate and distinct. Entitlement seems to have various characteristics.

Entitlement is a fear-based experience. It comes, at least in part, from the fear of not having or the fear of not being ok or good enough. Somehow a person learns that they do not have to work for what they are receiving. They do not have to earn the experience or object. They do not feel the personal ownership that comes with the earning. They think they deserve things they haven’t earned and may develop contempt for people who work to earn things. That suggests they are lacking in confidence and may feel contempt for themselves if they have to work to earn something. Yet, any time a fear-based experience is in our life, it is an opportunity to heal. Our fear-based emotions and/or experiences are in our lives to show us that which we are not. In other words, they are opportunities to heal and unveil our True, Soulful self.

As long as entitlement is acceptable or fashionable, we will see a vanishing of

As those qualities dissipate, the blame mentality and attitude of indulgence and anti-responsibility are fed. It, therefore, affects the way we treat each other, animals, objects, and Mother Earth and her resources. Concurrently, it holds the individual back from their

So, where do we begin? With our Self and then our children! In life, there is no entitlement, there is no blame, and there is no expectation. There is only you. So, the true antidote is in the personal acceptance of responsibility for the actions, thoughts, and beliefs that you may have bought into. It takes introspection and a sense of being humble to be aware of where you may be feeling entitled. Once you can be honest with your Self and acknowledge those places where you are feeling entitled, you can begin to unravel the snarled web of all you gathered in this life that lead to the entitlement. It is then that you can begin your healing. As you pay attention to the cords that make up that snarled web, you then can begin to heal your children and redirect them to a life that is absent of entitlement.

Women do not need to be empowered!! That implies they don’t have the power. But women are power — graceful, beautiful power. They are a source of power and an expression of power. The problem is that women have been subsumed into a patriarchal structure for so long that they forgot where they hid their truth! The truth of who they are as magikal, healing, powerful women. And so, women need to learn how to unveil the very power that is their’s and then it will become a natural part of their expression in their lives. Women will then begin to teach their daughters and other women.

To the indigenous people of the land, women were honored for who and what they were/are. They created life and community. They were protected. That honoring was the same for all indigenous people on all continents. At that time, people enjoyed the balance of the male-female energy in genders and in life. The men would hunt and the women would gather. It was a simple but deep appreciation for the differences that so beautifully complimented one another. Then society began and the warriors became the leaders and society became patriarchal and women became possessions: shamed and oppressed. Over time, women bought into their status and began to identify themselves through men’s perspective and wants.

Women have been through a lot over this time. For example, they have been accused of evil, shamed for having their own thoughts, and have been sexualized. With the advent of Christianity, only male priests were allowed to heal. So, all of a sudden, anyone else healing was practicing the work of “the devil”. That resulted in women being accused of being witches if they healed. Witches became perceived as evil rather than the healers they were. While it’s impossible to have an exact number historians estimate at least 35,000 to 100,000 were burned and tortured from 1450-1750AD. Women have also been kept by patriarchal structures that shame them or destroy them for having their own thoughts or desires. Some of those cultures are still castrating their women! Many cultures don’t pay a woman the same as a man, (The U.S. included! Click Here for some interesting stats. ) a very subtle form of shaming a woman. Women have been extensively sexualized. They are sex objects in movies (even if they are the hero!!!), tv, media, life. Over time, as can be seen through these examples, women have been destroyed: physically, emotionally, and energetically. Consequently, the balance shifted to an imbalance of male energy in a patriarchal environment and women bought into the fear that they could be destroyed. Women then submitted at various levels. (This is a blog entry in and of itself.)

As women gain an awareness, a comprehensive awareness, of how they have been remodeled to the needs of the male, they can begin to see the truth of who they are as women and in absence of the male definition that historically they had to buy into. It is at that point that women will begin to heal. They will begin to unveil and step into their power. Women will then begin to define and create their own experiences in their lives and for others. Women will no longer wait for men or society to define them. What a beautifully powerful place to be.

Many strong, successful career women seem to have had eating disorders in their past. And many of those women seem to have married or are dating men who are much more attentive to the home and children. It is as if the roles and definitions have been reversed.

In my experiences, it appears that, in general, strong ambitious women do not learn how to define themselves in this culture so they identify with men in their need to find acceptance. When young, they may struggle with their female curves and body and, more often than not, work to eliminate it with the eating disorder. It seems to be of continued importance for them to maintain an attractive figure and appearance in adulthood. They also continue to develop a more male-oriented position in life through career and providing. They tend to have a hidden judgment about being taken care of and so make sure they do not need to be “taken care of” by providing for the family. It may be important for them to feel in control. Again, this may be due to the need to identify with a man’s world and find acceptance through being good enough.

But why do they tend to marry or date less ambitious men? It appears to represent their need to feel accepted without having to work so hard at it; to be able to relax and not take things so seriously. It appears to be a compliment to their intensity. It is as if they are learning to love the very part of themselves they used to hate. As if they are accepting the very characteristics in their partner that they desperately needed accepted in their Self as a child.

More often than not, however, the relationship appears to take on an abusive quality. That again, goes back to the days of the eating disorder. The control of the eating, was the struggle to stay away from the judgment of not being good enough. It is that very judgment that creates shame in an individual. The judgments may also allow the woman to feel unaccepted and, consequently, not belonging to the family or group. The shame and absence of belonging are two consistent characteristics in the abuse pattern in an individual.

A woman of this experience may be struggling internally with being good enough and may still be looking for extrinsic rewards or reinforcers to confirm that she is good enough to be loved, accepted. Part of this may be due to the perception that in our society, women need to shut down their female aspects to succeed in business. This leaves an internal feeling of not being good enough because as a woman you cannot be who you are. It may also be that the very shame that developed in them as young women interrupted their ability to define their Self and lead to the eating disorder or more. Or, maybe, as an ambitious female, her role models were males and so she learned to shut down her female aspects to be more like a man in order to be accepted by men. This suggests women may perceive that they cannot be accepted into a man’s world for who they are and so need to be like a man to be accepted as a professional among them. It may then be more clear that they would choose a partner who is complimentary, supportive, and caring of who they are.

As women begin defining their Self from an intrinsic point of reference, they will begin to accept their Self for who they are which will lead to feeling accepted by others and, consequently, society. Women will then pass forward the defining of self for self and by self. This will end women defining themselves through men. I believe the ending of women defining their self through men will also have an impact on the numbers of eating disorders. Just think, mothers and women will no longer press their daughters and younger women (respectively) to be thin in order to be loved, they will begin teaching a healthy lifestyle that embraces the unique characteristics of each child. Something so many women want and try to achieve.

Most women would love to be known for who they are and loved for who they are. Yet, in our culture, what defines an attractive woman is her appearance and what defines an attractive man is his achievement. In a heterosexual environment, most men will never meet the beautiful woman who resides in a body that men or society deem as “not so perfect”. And yet, a woman will meet a good man who resides in a not-so-perfect body.

Who defines a woman’s body as beautiful? It does not appear to be women. Women work very hard and spend billions of dollars annually to create a body they feel will be good enough for our society’s definition of beautiful. Did women truly agree that a beautiful body is one that requires intense work and surgery to maintain?

Women very often hate their body. They are more often than not in a state of judging their body rather than loving their body. Women learn this. They learn that their body is a public viewing of how they are not good enough — not good enough to be accepted or loved. It appears to be an experience that gets handed down through mother to daughter! That suggests that women have bought into a patriarchal view that is destructive of them. A view that appears to say, “As a woman you will never be good enough to be a man.” It is the men in society that dictate what an attractive body type is. It is women who agree to attempt to create it. Consequently, it is the women who suffer the consequences of failing to meet the male expectation. What would happen if women decided to set their own standard of what their beautiful body is?

In order for that to happen, women would have to feel their own power. Women have learned to hide their power and play the roles dictated by a patriarchal society. Part of the hiding comes from the historic obedience to men’s desires that women have accepted. Obedience, however, only occurs as a survival mechanism. It appears to be a large part of the survival mechanism that has been learned and ingrained in women for more than 2000 years. Women have been teaching girls and other women how to be obedient to society’s expectations for a very long time. For example, in Florida the schools are now doing a brief physical on the children and sending letters to parents to notify them of overweight and obese children based up on the body-mass index. In a middle school a female athlete was sent home with a letter to give to her mother that said she was overweight. Unfortunately, they had her height off by 2 inches!! the mother of this particular student was very supportive and notified the school but what would have been the repercussions had that young, fit, healthy, teenager read the letter and had no support that allowed her see the error at MANY levels!!

It has been shown and discussed that women are not attractive when they are ambitious and intelligent (e.g., Miss Representation, 2012). Society has been trained to view an attractive woman as a sexy, thin woman not necessarily a healthy, conservative woman. This sets a stage for women to shy away from developing a sense of professional self. She tends to feel there is a conflict between professional and woman. Just the other day, I was sitting in a business meeting when one of the men stood to give a testimonial about the women in the group. His testimonial was that the women in the group are beautiful and manage to get up early enough for the early meeting to put on their make-up!! Seventy percent of the women were appalled and angry, while 30% giggled and thought it was funny!! All of the women in the group are high-powered business owners or professional (attorneys, doctors, etc.). Even many women who are successful in a corporate environment either shut down their sexuality and dress androgynously or overstate their sexuality and dress provocatively. Why? Because both extremes develop out of a focus on the image of what they are not. Why have women not developed a style that “suits” them in the business world. Each person can develop their own insignia rather than blending into the masses or the expectations. This is where women can begin to teach one another a new way of expressing their professional self.

It is in women choosing to define their Self that change will begin. Women must be willing to know what they want to experience and be willing to create that very experience. Women will need to help each other develop that confidence and inner knowing of who they are in order to initiate change in the cultural view of what they are. It is then that women will be known and loved for who they are from the inside out.

I am SO VERY UPSET!! We realized, in choosing a picture to represent this article that we could choose a horrific picture of an anorexic women or a media-based picture of a woman. I wanted this beautiful woman:

But the people of our culture have been programmed to KNOW the media’s view of women or be captured by hideous horror. It is the only view that will capture the attention of the public! So, even in my office, we chose a picture that would catch the public’s eye. How awful is this situation?! Please let me know your thoughts!

I looked extensively for some reasoning behind the world participating in the Sochi Olympics given Russia’s new federal legislation that defines “propaganda of nontraditional sexual relations” (being out as gay or supporting the LBGT community) as a crime. I can’t find anything that I can embrace. I looked hard. Hate, prejudice, bullying, persecution — none can be justified. So, how do we allow a perception of supporting or ignoring it by participating in the games?

I believe the suggestion to pull out of the Olympics is not intended to “punish” our athletes or destroy their dream to compete. The suggestion, I hope, is to protect our young athletes and those who they know and love. The danger is not limited to the athletes and their families. It includes all reporters, media staff, spectators and Olympic staff as potentially being seen as propagandizing the gay lifestyle. Sadly, it will take one person in, or associated with, the Olympics to get assaulted, bludgeoned, or killed and the entire world, outside of Russia, will feel the hurt. So, why not move the Olympics back to Vancouver, Canada!!!

What allows us to continue to imagine participation in Sochi? Is it that, as a world, we are not ready to stand strong and protect gay culture? Or, is it that we are afraid to go against Russia? Or, is it that life is just not as valuable as the money that will be grossed from participating in the games? Or, have we really created such a selfish mentality that our athletes would rather risk lives to compete than to stand strong in integrity and not?

All of these thoughts can increase anger because people feel helpless to create the change. It is as if the games will go on, regardless. In life, when anger is ignited, I ask what is behind it. What drives it? In this case, it is the helplessness that comes from not being able to stop the pain of being judged. Further, it is the pain of being judged in a way that does not allow the truth of the person to be known or seen. It is the rejection, condemnation, and destruction that comes as a result of those ill judgments. You do not need to be gay to feel those feelings. You do not need to be Jewish to feel those feelings. You need only to be human. Everyone feels that pain in this life at some point. Would you support someone judging your child that way? What does it take to grow beyond that “fear” of judgment? As an individual it takes a LOT! So, as a culture or world it takes a LOT more! If we allow our Selves to sit passively until there is reason to fight, it will ignite in all of us the rage that comes from that inner awareness of the pain of judgment. It is ugly rage. If, however, we are proactive rather than reactive and say we will not be a part of Russia’s abusive, criminal behavior, then we stay in front of our anger and prevent the hurt from being multiplied (not to mention, potentially save lives!!).

What stops people from standing strong and uniting? The anger we feel can unite us but for some reason doesn’t. Some of the interference in unity comes from the media. The media presents the information that ignites fear-based emotions in the people. Those emotions then cause fragmentation and do not promote belief in the unity that each person is a critical part in creating. There is no unity without YOU because you are the unit who makes it unity! As a people we need to stand strong individually so that the uniting can begin — one person at a time. Uniting in the name of love and acceptance — that’s The Spirit/God I believe exists.

One man started that process. Brian Burke, Director of Player Personnel for the US Olympic Hockey Team, had a gay son who came out in 2007 and was killed in an accident in 2010. As a tribute and honoring of his son, Brian has created a nonprofit organization for gay athletes. According to the Russian legislation, he is at risk to be arrested! This could be a place where we can begin, one person at a time, to unite with Brian and his efforts and to feel the circle of life seal itself around the world, on behalf of unity, freedom and safety. We can then push to the outside of that circle those who want to live in a state of hate and abuse. This is why I believe we must stand strong and refuse to participate in the 2014 Winter Olympics as long as they are in Sochi.

Click Here to support Brian Burke’s You Can Play Project

Click Here to sign the petition created by James Lavin to Strip Sochi of the 2014 Winter Games

I write this for the family, friends, and others who suffer as a result of the Oklahoma tornado, the latest tragedy. May you all find a way to heal from the loss, the trauma, and the suffering. May you find life and know that all those who crossed over as a result of this tragedy are in a warm, accepting new beginning. They are not suffering. It is those of you left behind who feel the suffering and the pain of the loss and the tragedy. I feel the agony of the helplessness even from afar.

As I sat at dinner last night seeing my first bit of news, I was emotionally devastated by the suffering and loss of the people of Oklahoma. Another tragedy! I couldn’t believe it. Everyone in the restaurant was talking with one another: strangers, friends, family, all one. None of us could grasp the meaning of all this tragedy. We all hurt for the victims. People were questioning the meaning of life, questioning purpose. Slowly, the conversations shifted from the pain of the victims, and the victims’ family and friends to their own fears. Then people were no longer talking as a whole but had split into their own groups again. Most talking about the fear of the natural disasters being on the increase and wondering how bad hurricane season will be this year.

What could possibly be the silver lining in such a dark series of natural (and not so natural) disasters!? We all unite, at least initially. It is at the core of us all to unite to help. To stand as one when something has gone against us. Maybe we are being asked to stand as one always. To not allow our fear to fragment us yet again.

Donations may be made online at www.unitedwayokc.org or by mail to: United Way of Central Oklahoma, P.O. Box 837, Oklahoma City, OK 73101 with notation for May Tornado Relief.

Anxiety!! What can I do to make it stop and go away! Anxiety feels like a helpless state of suffering but there are things a person can do to heal and transcend the suffering. This article will give a feel for what can be done. It is not meant to be an exhaustive list or suggestive. It is meant to open the possibilities of treatment and healing of the suffering of anxiety. The article will look at western medicine, and then will focus on self help, therapy, and all other medicines.

Welcome to Part 2 of this series on anxiety where we will look at causes of anxiety. Part 1 described anxiety and gave a simple description or feel of anxiety. If you missed the beginning of this series, you can find it by clicking here: PART ONE. This article will address how anxiety may be caused by environmental factors, medical factors, substance abuse, or a combination of these. Although it has been suggested there may be a genetic component in anxiety, this article will talk of environmental factors that may be more influential. Finally, the article will address that while anxiety is a response to outside forces and can be amplified with “negative self-talk” or a belief in the worry, rarely can an immediate trigger to anxiety be identified.

What is anxiety? In this time of economic strain and significant transition , people are having their fears illuminated. At what point do those fears become anxiety? How does someone interrupt/stop the anxiety when it is happening? What causes anxiety to become more of a steady state beyond an emotional reaction? What triggers a feeling of anxiety versus an anxiety attack? Does someone have to live the rest of their life on medication to “manage” anxiety or can you heal from it? All of these questions will be addressed in this article. The series will be divided into three parts: what is anxiety; what causes it; what are the techniques that prevent or interrupt the anxiety and the treatments to heal.

Anxiety is described as the fear of fear. It tends to be vague. As an emotion, we have all experienced it. You are getting ready to go out for the evening and all of a sudden you get this odd, gently disturbing fluttering in your gut or tingling of your skin. You wonder from where the feeling is coming but then keep going and don’t think any more about it as it drifts away and you continue to dress and go to your event. Anxiety can become more consistent for some. That consistency may take the form of a person experiencing anxiety periodically for a limited amount of time or consistently always increasing and decreasing in intensity. There is a significant difference between the experience that everyone has of a brief, intermittent feeling of anxiety or angst and someone who lives with chronic anxiety that can become debilitating.