It’s about now that you are struggling with or giving up on your new year’s resolutions. You are not alone. Do you ever wonder why so many people abandon their resolutions? Many reasons explain why resolutions fail but the truth lies within you – you may not be listening to your Self when you are putting your resolutions in motion. Let’s look at the most common challenges that interrupt the success of your resolutions and what you can do to compensate for them to create great success.

Unclear or Unrealistic Goals

Too often goals are set that are vague. For example, I will lose weight for the summer. That goal may be unclear because if you lose 1 pound, you have lost weight but that might not be what you wanted. Or, it may be that you think you should lose weight because of the expectations of society and not because you are uncomfortable in your body. Expectations will never foster success in a personal goal.

It is important to make your resolutions clear and concise. Make them specific and measurable. They do not have to be all at once. They can be steps that increase and build upon one another. Using the above example, you may want to increase your water intake for the first 2 weeks then decrease your bread while maintaining your new water intake. Remember, you want to change something that has been around for a while, so it may not go away overnight. If it would, it would not have been a “New Year’s Resolution!” So, now is not the time to lose motivation.

Lack of Internal Motivation

More often than not I see people lose their motivation for a goal due to the external pressure or expectations that caused them to create the goal in the first place. Too often people do what they think they should. But that is not a match to you! If you are setting a goal in motion it needs to be from you and for you, even if others don’t agree. I remember a time when I made a resolution to workout in the morning because my trainer said I should in order to be consistent. Well, I was the least consistent with that idea because I LOVE my quiet slow mornings! I am very consistent when I workout at lunch!

You want to learn about your internal why. Connect your goals to a personal, emotional reason. In other words, why you have chosen the goal. If there is no passion from within you, then it is easier to give up. Your inner why is what sustains you.

All-or-None Thinking

Too often people quietly or not-so-quietly make a grand commitment to change. When the goal is grand, it is easier to expect perfection. Maybe you do this because it feels so important to meet this big goal, that you do not feel there is any room for error. UGH! Then, with one screw up you are overwhelmed and may quit. There is a bit of all-or-none thinking in that because you do not feel fully connected to the truth of the outcome.

You can imagine that a slip does not mean failure! In fact, it can strengthen your commitment, if you can feel the desire for a successful outcome. Small setbacks can be an important part of progress. Take a slip or setback as an opportunity to ask yourself if you are pushing too hard, or if you are ignoring your body or feelings in some way. If there are doubts, honor them and see how you need to move beyond them. But do your best not to give up. It will only feed the doubts you had in the first place.

Emotional Resistance

Too often it is due to your fears, doubts, and limiting beliefs that your goals get sabotaged. It is very important not to ignore that. You want to know what those hidden beliefs are that anchor your fears and doubts. Then you can grow beyond what caused the challenge that you are trying to overcome with the resolution. Remember, there is a reason you want to change something in your life. The presence of the “unwanted” is due to a past learned belief, fear, etc. Furthermore, you may have been living with this “thing” you want to change for long enough that you have formed an identity around it. Or maybe you are comfortable with it at some level. Either way, to ignore the impact of this is to not move beyond what can sabotage your success.

Acknowledge what is holding you back. If you meditate, then use your meditation to help you explore your challenges and to see if you have learned to identify with a part or all of it. Journaling can help uncover and reframe the blocks. I have a small ebook that can help you uncover old limiting beliefs.

Lack of a Support System

You may have made your resolutions in front of your friends or you may not have. Either way, did you include them as support for your achievements? Doing it alone without encouragement or accountability can be hard. Sometimes you may feel shame around sharing your goals with others. This shame can be debilitating to your success as it hides in the recesses of your thoughts. It is important to understand how you feel to do it alone without support or accountability. I remember the day I realized that I could not achieve success with a goal because it was “one more thing I had to do on my own”! I was tired of everything being done alone and this particular goal felt like it was screaming for another person to join me. So, once I found a partner to join me in the goal, I was successful!

Include others in your goals. Let them be your accountability partner on your road to success. Be sure they will celebrate the small wins in the in-between! In some cases you may be able to use an app on your phone. In many cases there are community groups, programs, or clubs that can keep you going. For example, the city I live in has biking clubs, walking clubs, jogging clubs, etc.

Failure to Create New Habits

Your new resolution may require a lifestyle change but it still needs to fit into your structure and routines. Old habits will return if there is not a solid match between the new addition and your old patterns. If I think I am going to create a goal of meditating twice a day for 45 minutes but I cannot find time to take a 10-minute bath to relax, there is a problem with this new habit before it even gets started. I may need to think about how and for how long I can add meditations to my day.

If you desire change, then look at the daily lifestyle and its habits and patterns. Where can your new habit most smoothly fit into your current style.Attach new habits to existing routines. Utilize the concept of habit stacking so that you are building a new pattern.

Underestimating External Disruptions

Too often life events, stress, and unforeseen circumstances can derail progress. Sometimes you can predict what can interfere but sometimes you cannot.Without flexibility, you may find yourself frustrated and even defeated.by the interruptions. It is important to ask yourself if you have the willingness to really know the experience you wish to have. Maybe you have embarked upon a change that you really do not wish to make at this time. Or maybe the external disruptions are important and you need to acknowledge how they play out in your overall lifestyle.

Plan for disruption. Know what they can be. Then choose which ones are important and which are not. Life always gets in the way. Build flexibility into your plans. It matters not if you miss the consistency. It matters that your inconsistencies bring you back to greater consistency.

Impatience With Results

It may be that limited or slowed progress can cause you to feel disappointment or discouragement. Often this is due to a belief that is limiting you. The expected speed of progress can be quietly addressed before your goal is abandoned. Maybe you are waiting too long to celebrate your own successes or smaller bits of progress.

Create smaller wins! You can always change your goals or break them into incremental parts. Small consistent actions can add up to great successes.

Not Addressing the Root Cause

Be sure you did not create general, vague, or surface-level resolutions. Often they ignore the deeper emotional or psychological patterns that are driving the behavior that you are trying to change. In general, people tend to create vague resolutions around challenges that they are “fearful” of changing. They may not even know they are fearful of the change. But the change doesn’t occur because of a deeper cause.

Identify and shift any root causes. Again, you may have to use some meditation or journaling (or something else) to identify the root cause. Be conscious that if you cannot get a rhythm or it is a goal you have tried before and were not able to master, it is time to ask what is really stopping you from success. There is a reason it is not time for you to have this goal. What fears, limiting beliefs, or doubts need to be honored and healed.

Lack of Planning

There can be a push to set goals at particular stages of life or the year. You may have thrown out what you think you want to do but did not take the time to know YOU and what you truly wish to achieve for your self. Your goal may not be wrong but it may need to be broken into smaller goals with actionable steps. Otherwise, it can be overwhelming or vague.

Turn goals into actionable steps that are a match to what you wish to experience in your life. Make those steps more exciting to include in your day-to-day lifestyle.

No matter what challenges keep you from meeting your goals, the core to it all is about you and the experience you wish to have. Before just throwing your goals to the side, ask yourself why it didn’t work for you? Ask if there is a way to change the original goal or commitment to one that is a better match to the experience you wish to have daily or in life. Also, ask yourself if you made this resolution because you thought you should. And do not forget the critical underlying doubts, fears, and limiting beliefs that are a part of so many of the above challenges.

The critical learning in all of this is to listen to YOU! When something doesn’t work as you thought it would, ask you about you: Is my goal truly mine? Learn why it didn’t work: Do I need to adjust my approach? Then move forward with wonderful growth and awareness of your Self because success comes from listening to YOU and NOT from external pressure. Once you listen to you, you will also begin to create greater happiness, rather than frustration, in your life.

Thank you for reading and sharing this journey with me! If you’re looking to connect with like minded individuals and share meaningful conversations, I invite you to join my community, “The Sage’s Circle”, on Facebook. Let’s build a space for connection, wisdom, and growth—be part of the conversation today!