This is a time of year to be grateful for the freedom that our country offers. This is an American holiday. We, as a people, have the opportunity to make infinite choices and have infinite experiences. It is our free will that opens us to all that this life has to offer. So, how might we expand our gratitude this Thanksgiving?

Each year we are given the opportunity to be thankful for our freedom in life and our freedom to choose. People generally express thanks for their loved ones, their home, their career, their ability to travel, their meals, etc. We tend to think of giving thanks for the “good” things in our life. It is a time to “avoid” the “bad” things. What if we weave the bad things into our gratitude?! Some of you will think I have lost my mind but I have not.

Everything that you experience in this life is with purpose: great purpose. If the experience stirs any of your fear-based emotions, e.g., hurt, loneliness, or abandonment/loss, you may have a tendency to ignore those experiences at this time of Thanksgiving. Some of those experiences are too painful to completely ignore and so they interrupt your holidays.

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If you glanced at the eclipse with the naked eye, you saw the sliver of sun amidst the ball of light of the sun. You are light amidst light. On this plane, you experience dark as a way to define the light. We see things as separate: you and me, day and night, fear and love. In truth, there is no fear. Fear is illusion. The darkness always leads to the light. Light will always squelch dark. You learn fear but enter into this life as love.

The moon shines as light because it reflects the light of the sun. Yesterday, the moon blocked the light of the sun. It did not squelch the light, it blocked it. The dark cannot squelch the light. The sun shined bright beyond the illusion of darkness. To the naked eye, the ball of light continued to glow even though the day appeared a bit “darker”. Such an illusion.

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Hate is fear; fear is the absence of love! Within your Self, when you judge and hate you are not able to feel love. You may think that your hate and judgment are about the other person or group of people but it is only happening inside you. You are the one living with the hate, rage, anger, and heavy density. It clutters your mind and shadows your heart. Consequently, you are the only one who ends up suffering until, of course, your anger causes harm to others.

We are given this life and we were given free will. Free will says you have the right to live with your hate, anger, rage, and judgment. Free will also allows people to live in harmony, love, unity and peace. Free will gives each of us the opportunity to live this life as we choose. What it does not do is support the destruction of the free will and the rights of another human being.

You are not born with fear and anger or any of the fear-based emotions. You are not born with judgment since judgment comes from fear. You learned all of that, and the beliefs associated with them, in this lifetime. You thought you had to believe as you were taught to believe. But now you have a choice. Do you want to live with love for you, from you, and for others? Or do you want to live in absence of love? Do you want a life filled with pain, suffering, anger, and heat or a life filled with love and happiness?

Can you be grateful for who you are at the same time you’re hating another? The answer is no. So, yes, it is your right to hate, judge, and be angry. It is your choice to live at that level of suffering. Just remember suffering begets suffering and fear begets fear. It is love that begets gratitude, joy, and love. So, I ask you which do you prefer? And be clear, because even if you were feeling anger and hate at those who are angry and hateful you are feeding the darkness not light.

May each and every one of you be graced with gratitude, forgiveness, and love.

“We judge ONLY in the way we are fearful of being judged.” Kristen Bomas

PREJUDICE — a part of us all — some conscious and some not conscious – all destructive of those we judge – black magic – painful and imprisoning to the targeted people – keeping fear alive in the prejudiced person – goes against free will – absent of compassion, acceptance, love – debilitating…

Prejudice showed on my Facebook pages this month. Likes and number of people reached dropped noticeably. Some posts getting 0 likes or less than 30 reaches. I was saddened. Black faces, prominent black faces, were in almost all of those posts in an effort to honor Black History Month. Slaves — they went unnoticed, judged as unworthy except as labor. We each have trauma somewhere in our history and know that it flows onward. Time does not heal trauma. It takes an active participatory involvement to heal trauma. When it is a culture that exists within the American people it is our responsibility to actively participate in the healing of each of our subcultures: Black, GLBT, Latin, Asian, Israeli, MidEastern and more.

Imagine that each culture in this country is like an organ in your body. If an organ is faltering it takes time for it to heal. If an organ is attacked with a cancer it takes more than just you to heal that organ. All other organs in your body are affected by the organ that is cancerous. Your body is out of balance. You are not able to function as completely as you were when all organs were strong and healthy. If you do not treat that organ it will die and you may too. To treat the organ it will take more than just you because the attack to the organ is bigger than that which you can handle on your own. This is a metaphor to the cultures (organs) of our American People (body).

We are as inherently trained to be prejudiced of the Black people as they are to be prejudiced against. They are people. It is time that we, as a Nation, work to radically eradicate the history and patterns that are so inherent in the Black culture that they cannot heal on their own. We would be a stronger nation for it. We would be a happier people for it.

I wish for you all to take but a minute and move beyond your judgments or our Black culture and ask, “What would this country be like if our Black culture was solidly integrated and active in the American lifestyle?”

Next week in Part 2 I will be discussing what people can do to move beyond their prejudice.

Be inspired and inspire the world with your resolutions! It is all too common at this time of year for people not to make resolutions but for those who do, oftentimes, those resolutions are simple ones. What are your resolutions like? Have you ever simply wondered, without judgment, why you don’t fulfill the resolutions you make? Has it dawned on you to expand your resolutions to match some of your higher ideals and dreams for this lifetime? In blogs past, I have spoken about resolutions and ways to state them and implement them so that they are successful. I have also spoken about making a resolution that helps you understand what blocks you from fulfilling your resolutions. But this year I’d like to talk about creating a grander resolution. One that fulfills, or at least begins to fulfill, some of your higher dreams for this earth and for this life.

We are all one. So the turmoil, aggression, anger, and fear that resides on this earth at this time is something that also resides in each and every one of us from the teeniest amount to the largest amount. Each of us experiences these emotions. Each of us has a deeper desire to live beyond these emotions. Most of you dream to find greater happiness, joy, love, and acceptance. If that is a dream of yours, it may be the time to also see it as a dream for the Earth. As each and every one of our days becomes filled with love and love-based emotions around us in the people, the environment, and the earth, then we find that the love within our hearts becomes much more expansive. It also happens in reverse. As The love in our hearts, as well as love for our Selves, grows we expand our love and affect the people, the environment, and the earth.

If you put this all together, what I am proposing is as your resolutions reflect your dreams for love, acceptance, and happiness in your life imagine that it is also a dream in most people’s lives. So in your resolutions what is one thing you can do to offer love to this earth and its people? What is one thing you can do to bring peace upon earth?

What if each and every one of us makes a resolution that this year, each day, we will awaken grateful for the freedom and compassion we can find within? And then, what if, each and every one of us takes that compassion into our days doing one kind act each day. How easy would it be to be grateful for our day if we pass forward one kind act a day? One person at a time we begin to change the earth!

I wish you all a year of abundant love, peace, joy, and health. May you all work as one to bring that to yourself and everyone around you. Happy New Year!!

Now that you are aware of how to create an atmosphere that is friendly and accepting where the loving emotions are prevalent and the gifts are given lovingly and you are communicating, you have the ingredients to create the experience you and your child wish to have during the holiday. What is the experience your child wishes to have? What is the experience you wish to have?

Begin by asking your Self and your child what the ideal holiday would be like. Take notes on what each of you wishes to experience and then as a team, develop an experience that includes each of your dreams. You can find that there is no part of the desired experiences that needs to go unfulfilled. It will take patience and creativity. For example, if your child wants you and your ex-partner to be together, show understanding of that wish. Talk with your child about how he would feel if the family was to be together during the holiday. Take note on the way the child would feel. Ask what the pros and cons of previous holidays were when the family was together. Then help the child to develop an experience that embraces the feeling she is wishing to have during the holiday and help her see she can have the joyousness she is wishing for even if the one family is now two!

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In families divided, sometimes it takes effort to keep love in the forefront of the holidays. Yet, for your child, it is critically important that you keep the love and compassion in the forefront of your heart and thoughts. So, how do you do that? Let me start with a brief comment about the necessity of love in a child’s world and then give you some ideas of how to create a love- and joy-filled holiday.

Too often when partners are split, they can find themselves warring, complaining and harshly judging. These behaviors are in absence of love. Partners can make a promise to leave these behaviors in a box until the holidays are over. It is critical that the love be expressed consistently throughout the holidays. A child will respond to the love by opening his or her self to the experience. Love is an experience that opens and unites a family. Fear (which includes anger, dislike, hurt, etc.) is an experience that shuts down and causes fragmentation. Your child can be very sensitive to the differences at a subtle level but when it is an outward expression of fear-based feelings and thoughts, the child will do what he or she can to take it upon themselves to make her or his environment good and loving. That is not a child’s responsibility. It is the parents’ responsibility.

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We all have fathers. Some of us know our fathers and some of us do not and/or cannot. The role of a father in our life is defined by each of us. Consequently, it has a lot of variety in those definitions, especially if you have 2 mothers. Take a minute and ask your Self what an ideal father is to you. Let it be your definition. Given that definition, what is Father’s Day to you?

Many people have lost their father. They may have lost their father to divorce, drugs or alcohol addiction, military service training or deployment, death, or transgender transformation. It is all loss. For those of you who have lost your father, if this is your first Father’s day since the loss, what are you doing to honor your emotions at this time? Too often, people do not know how to say goodbye. So times like this can be difficult. How have you said your goodbyes? Even if your father is active duty military and has been deployed to another country, you may experience a loss on this Father’s Day. Often, goodbyes are necessary so that you can say hello to the new beginning!

Are you a father? If so, what part of your ideal father image is you? Are you wishing for differences in the way you are a father? On this day of honoring your role in the lives of your children, do you honor your Self? Take the time, to recognize your Self in your fatherhood. Where are you in the lives of your children? No matter where you are, physically, you are always with your children IF you can be present to them emotionally/spiritually. Find your own definition of father and offer your Self the opportunity to enjoy this honor of being Father in this life. It is your gift to your Self on this day.

The country is looking at Caitlyn Jenner’s children and their loss or reactions on this Father’s Day without Bruce. It is a new beginning for them with Caitlyn. It is a new beginning for Caitlyn as well! It is a time for each of them to reflect on what life was about as father and children and how they are feeling today. It is a time to understand that the person who was their father is still in their lives today. Gender is not about the body. It is about the internal intimate essence. That essence has always been there. It is about them learning to accept the presence of the spirit and not get caught with the attachment to the physical encasement of that presence. Easier said than done…

To all of you, fathers and children and both, may this Father’s Day be that day you honor the presence of the father in your life, in physical or energetic, and the impact of that presence. Celebrate, embrace and love that person who has given you the love of a father or just life. What a great gift you have in this life, whether you know him or not.

I was honored to contribute again to the Palm Beach Post regarding Caitlyn Jenner. You can read the full article by CLICKING HERE.

Why do people struggle with other people’s success?

So often we watch people get angry or rejecting, in some way, when someone they know, or even don’t know, achieves success. The second thing we observe is the comfort with destroying those who are successful and in the public eye. Why does this exist? Why can’t we all be so excited for someone else’s achievements and successes?

Inherently we all wish for happiness. Unfortunately, many have been lead to believe that happiness is achieved when someone achieves success financially or publicly. Because this definition of happiness is external in its rewards it does not work. Happiness must come from within. Once a person is happy within themselves, they are happy for all of those around them.

So when someone else achieves the success or perceived happiness for which another is wishing, that other may feel jealous or less than or not good enough or undeserving or unfairly gifted, etc. Another possibility is that this other person may be housing a doubt that they are able to have the success or lifestyle or fame that they perceive in the other. Whatever that person is feeling, it is a fear-based experience. Once someone is feeling out of balance from an inside “fear”, their imbalance is expressed externally. Usually in an effort to find balance, comfort, or support that they are okay. Once they feel okay or comforted they feel back in balance.

As I have said often, we judge only in the way we are fearful of being judged. So, in this question that we are exploring today we see that people may go against, judge, breakdown, destroy, or make a successful person feel crummy or bad. More than likely this is because inside themselves they’re fearful of the judgment that they are not good enough and that they are destroyed in their concept of finding happiness or success. Their internal doubts and fears will also consist of the judgments they are slinging at the successful or famous people. That may or may not be a direct reflection. For example a person who has bought into the belief that in order to be loved we must have a perfect Barbie or Ken figure may judge harshly someone who is heavy or large. They themselves may be fit and have a low level of body fat. Their judgments of someone heavy are coming from their fear of not having a lean body and being judged as not good enough. So their doubt and their belief in society’s judgments keep them working hard to stay lean for fear of what it would mean if they were not. It is that very view that drives their judgments of others in this particular example.

In addition to the individual experiences that are being subconsciously acted out, our culture and media are based upon this type of fear-based reporting. We have papers, TV shows, books and more that make billions of dollars by reporting to the public ugly, derogatory, shaming, destructive information or assumptions about our wealthy, famous, successful, and entertainment people. I don’t understand when we decided it was okay to dig into the histories of the people in the spotlight and attempt to destroy them, but we do. And people love to hear about the crap. We are no longer a people who are willing to spend billions on the happy and good news. Why we do this will be a follow up blog. For today’s purpose, this national level of acceptance to destroy another human being who is successful allows the people to feel righteous when they use social media platforms and other public platforms to bully or destroy another human being whether successful or not.

In conclusion, and in general, the people who choose to judge, criticize, bully, or destroy another human being, publicly or not, are usually coming from a place of fear of being judged themselves. They are not happy and fulfilled within their own life and are lashing out from that point of reference. It seems to be a very common and popular bandwagon to jump on because our media and nation seem to support this kind of destructive judging of one another. Fear is newsworthy. Judgment is fear. Fear is the absence of love. Happiness is love.

May each and every one of you be the start to spreading a happy thought whenever you hear a harsh angry judgment of another human being. We are all human beings. We all have challenges. We all are capable of compassion. I wish you all a day filled with compassion and acceptance. May it start with you.

Paying it forward

What does it mean to pay it forward? What are you truly paying forward? How do you pay it forward?

It has always been known that what we put out comes back to us. That wisdom is just that, wisdom. It is not learned knowledge that becomes a task or something we “do”. In other words, if we dish out judgment it is what is passed forward and what we then experience in our lives. If we spontaneously offer random gifts to others we are going to receive some sort of life gifts in return.

Notice that in both examples there is only a flow of passing forward. The intention is not in the return. It is easier for most people to see that purpose in the example of judgment. Most people understand that they do not judge to receive judgment back!! Yet, many people will give gifts with the hope of receiving gifts in return! All of a sudden the giving is with a purpose to receive. That is a closed loop!

Notice the phrase is paying it forward or passing it forward. It is unidirectional. Yet, if everyone is passing it forward then obviously each person would receive someone else’s passing! Furthermore, if each person lives with an internal intention or awareness of what they exude, say, or do as a paying forward then many good things can occur. For example, the person may gently become more aware of their compassion for life. Also, by living with that intent, they are affecting many many people in their lives. In fact, they would be affecting everyone with whom they come in contact. This would obviously increase the probability that you and everyone would start to receive the gifts of paying it forward.

Does this mean you always must be happy and think of the other? NO. It means that when you are experiencing a challenging time, you may want to ask your Self what you need in order to move through the challenge and back to happiness. Then allow your Self to be open to receiving that. You are then paying forward the intention of healing wounds rather than the suffering from them.

In terms of life, you are always paying forward. The question becomes what are you paying forward and are you conscious of your “gifts”? If you find your Self worrying a lot or buying into the fears of life or living as if it is you and them, then your world of existence is probably full of events to worry about or that scare you or that elicit a defensiveness about your views being right. If you find your Self living with your heart open to compassion, acceptance and healing, you will probably find your Self surrounded by rewarding and healing events. You are paying forward with intention.

Often times you read about paying it forward with suggestions of random acts of kindness. This is such a wonderful experience to share! For someone who has not really experienced living in a state of paying it forward, this task allows them to feel the excitement of being a change agent in life in a positive way! Often, I find myself pitching in the amount of money someone in line is short or paying their bill because their card did not go through and they were purchasing groceries. Something as simple as allowing someone to merge or leaving an intersection open or moving into the left lane so the person behind me can make a right on red. All of these are acts of kindness that each of you can do for a day.

Too often people think “what’s in it for me”. I have a simple answer. If everyone took from the pot of gold, how quickly would there be nothing for everyone? If everyone put into the pot of gold for each other, how quickly would the pot would be abundant with gold? If each person puts in to take out, would we need the shared pot?

When was the last time you paid it forward? Did you feel the freedom and expansiveness of the act or experience? Or did you feel the closing and frustration from wondering when you were going to see the return? Open your Self to the opportunity to pass it forward without stopping the forward motion by wishing it to come back. Just pay it forward! One day, when you are least expecting it, you will be gifted beautifully!

I wish you all an abundant life filled with gifts from the pot of gold!