Love! Does it complete us? Or, are we complete in and of our self?

This weekend is Valentine’s Day. Happy Valentine’s Day to you all. Last year I asked you what Valentine’s Day meant/means to you. To me, this day is a day to honor love in our lives, all love in our lives. The greatest love is of spirit or god. The next greatest love is of self. Without love of self how do we know love?

Love is an experience. Love is a plethora of experiences. In this American language we use one word for all of those experiences. Consequently, it’s confusing to many. It’s confusing because we don’t know the love of our Self. As we introduce ourselves to our Selves we begin to fall in love with who we are. It is that love that allows us to feel complete within our Selves. As we evolve into a state of enlightenment, mastery, or unconditional freedom, we begin to feel a longing for a partnership. It’s a partnership different from what we thought it was when we first started in this lifetime. It is different because we felt a completeness within our Self that expanded to a desire to unite with a greater completeness.

Let me give an example using a portion of what occurs within Self. We begin with an imbalance of energy. Women tend to have greater female energy and men tend to have greater male energy. Then we realize that the combination of the male energy and the female energy that can exists in such perfect balance within us is something we want to achieve. Once achieved, we want to experience that with another. For those who are gay, they have been blessed with the balance of the male and female energy that they then have to learn to express comfortably in a society where that may not be the case. The longing for a partnership for a gay or lesbian person is very different than the longing for a partnership in someone who is not gay. There is no longer a gender difference defining the balance of the energies. The energies are internally experienced and defined even though not completely balanced.

If ultimately we are here to find great balance through unconditional love and acceptance, then love of our self becomes quite important. It is in the development of love of your Self that you begin to feel complete in who you are! It is then that you begin to feel the longing for the unity with the complement of an Other’s energy. It is an experience. Your partner is the Yin to your Yang or the Yang to your Yin. As love of Self grows so does love of Other. It is infinite in its growth and possibilities. It is at that point, that we can experience true unity and harmony with One. It is worth celebrating daily!! It is definitely worth honoring with a special day annually.

So, on this Valentine’s Day, each of you has a choice you can make. If there a partner in your life, you can choose to honor and cherish the love you share at this time or rebel against some external definition of this day and not celebrate? If there is not a partner in your life, would you like to honor and cherish a love that is growing inside yourself for your Self or would you like to not do that and feel the pain and suffering of longing for a partner. You can celebrate the love you have for your Self or get lost in the suffering of the loneliness, of the longing, of the doubt. Which would you prefer at this time of celebration of love, a day or weekend filled with love or a day or weekend filled with the suffering of loss or rebelliousness/anger?

I challenge all of you to really look at love in your lives on this weekend. How do you express it to your Self and others? How do you feel it in your Self and from others? While Valentine’s Day may be a “made-up” holiday, it is still a holiday that brings us back to our relationship with Self and Other in the name of love. May each of you find love that unites you with your Self, with your partner and family, and with all of those around you! May you feel the unity with all and with Spirit/God!

I wish you a very happy Valentine’s Day! May you all enjoy the love of Love!

Hanukah, Winter Solstice, New Moon, and Christmas, what do they all have in common?  Birth (re-birth), Creation, New Beginning, Living, Magik of Life.  We give gifts at this time of year, why? To adorn, honor, commit, express love and gratitude, and create. What is the greatest gift of all? YOU! Because without you, there would be no life with you, for you, or of you.

Gifts. For Hanukah, it is the gift of the temple returned and the magik of the lights. For Winter Solstice it is the end of the darkest day and the gift of the entry of greater light into our days. New Moon is the darkest of nights opening to the gift of light entering. Christmas is the gift of the light of Christ and his teachings.

Light.  It is of the truth.  It illuminates our life.  It is in absence of the dark, the illusions, the suffering.  Light. Its energy warms us and nurtures us.  It gives us life. Each of us is of light.

You are a gift. Each of us has our own dreams.  Each of us desire love, acceptance, and joy.  Tis the season of light. You can choose to be a gift of light.  Illuminate the truth in those around you by showing compassion and acceptance.  Express your love of family, friends, and neighbors. In these ways you are giving your Selves as a gift … a Gift of Light.

I wish you all a very Happy Hanukah, Merry Christmas, and Wonderful Winter Solstice with the New Moon.  I wish you all the gift of enjoying the company you keep, the gift of creating your dreams in this life and the gift of willingness to step into a new beginning while trusting in the unknown outcome.  I thank you for the diversity of your beliefs and lives.  That alone is a great gift in my life.

With love, warmth, and compassion
Kristen

I saw a young motorcyclist get hit broadside and killed the other night.  I was 3 cars back in the left lane when the guy making a left hit and killed the motorcyclist.  The young man didn’t even know what hit him.  He appeared to die instantly. He was on his way home from work. It was an overcast but clear afternoon.  He had no idea that night was his time to cross.  His family and friends were not prepared.  Here one minute and gone the next.  It was sad.  Yet there is a gift in his death.

We all die.  Most people live so unconsciously they do not know when they are going to die.  Others are conscious in their living and have a knowing or at least an awareness. And yet others suffer with illness that allows them an external awareness they are dying.  The experience of this young man’s death brought me a gift.  If I die tomorrow, what is the legacy I leave behind?  Then I asked a second question.  What is the legacy I wish to leave behind?

This life has purpose. Each of you is capable of learning that purpose.  It is inside you and about the experience YOU are having on this plane: your internal experiencing of life.  It is about the challenges you face and if you choose to master or continue to allow the suffering.  It is about the relationships you forge and how true they are to you and how true you are to them.  This life is about living beyond the suffering that it presents to you.  All challenges can lead to greener pastures if you look for the gift they offer in their purpose.

That young man’s life had definition and his death was a part of that purpose and definition. It was a shorter experience than he “thought” and that his family and friends “thought”. We all have free will.  There may be choice points along the path of life that allow us to cross or continue.  The more conscious we are in our living, the more we see on the path of life and, consequently, the greater our opportunity for conscious choice. If our focus is on our job, our money, or what others think and expect of us, then we do not know who we are fully.  The external focus is not of you and who you are.  It is about others and things. If you knew you were going to die tomorrow would you work 12 hours today and go home frustrated? Would you focus on meeting expectations that please others leaving your Self lonely and unattended to? Would you be worried about the person who accidentally cut you off? Ask your Self if your last day would be better by not taking work so seriously that you carry it home with you. Would it be more fulfilling to feel known and understood? Would you be grateful that the person did not hit you for both of your sake’s (no one wants to hit anyone).

Allow the short life of that young man to gracefully gift all of us.  Take the time this week to write down the legacy you would leave behind if you died tomorrow.  Then ask yourself what legacy you wish to leave behind in this life.  Do they match?  Be sure they are complete.  Think about your eulogy and how you would be described by each person in your inner circles: your partner, boss, colleagues, employees, family members, neighbors, friends, etc.  Take the time necessary to be thorough in your definition of your legacy.  Then live it!  Every day live!  Feel life! Feel your Self alive!  Feel your choices and interactions and mistakes and…..  Let this young man’s short life be a gift toward fulfillment in yours!  May each of you find joy within!

We have lost our hearts and our minds!

A 90-Year old man and 2 Reverends were arrested for feeding the homeless in public!

What are Fort Lauderdale and many other cities in the country thinking when they post laws that prohibit feeding or gifting the homeless! Now we are cluttering our courts and jails with homeless and citizens of service!!! I am truly speechless. I feel a deep anger and pain inside me for the hideousness of this thought process!

My anger asks: What if we DON’T use jails for the innocent? What if we don’t create crimes out of good behavior? Is this about cities and counties making money?

Then my calm heart asks: What are some of the other options?

Too often I hear people (family members included) saying “Get off the street and get a job!” What an incomplete thought that is!!! How do they propose a homeless person do that? Are they going to buy a paper to look for a job? Oops, most job postings aren’t in the paper anymore. Ok. They are going to walk into a public library (without being asked to leave because they are dirty or smelly) and look at the listings on the internet! GREAT! Then what? How do they make a call? (Pay phones are very rare!!) How do they get to the location to fill out an application? How do they clean their clothes? How do they shower? How do they return for the interview?
With no job, how do they eat?

There is a very big difference between homeless and street people. Our street people are those who live on the street and prefer to be left there. More often than not these people are suffering from severe mental illness that is untreated. In the state of Florida a majority of the counties do not have programs for the mentally ill and their medication. How do we solve that double bind? NOT FEED THEM? Arrest them for eating or asking for meals or money? That is NOT a solution.

The homeless are a more varied group. They may be individuals and families who have truly been displaced from their homes and do not know the resources available. They may be our veterans who have fought for our freedom and now suffer because they cannot enjoy freedom in their own lives. They may be addicts or alcoholics. They may be injured or handicapped in a way that did not allow them to keep a job and so they are now living on the street. They may be our runaway children. This group is a majority of the people on the streets. We, as a people, can help each and every one of these people get back on their feet but not by angrily judging them or assuming they just need to get a job! The apathy many of us have witnessed is very sad. “It’s their choice” people say! Yes it is but not in the way they mean it when they are angrily discharging themselves of guilt and responsibility for a fellow soulful being.

Every day we make a series of choices, hundreds, some we don’t even notice. Each of those choices builds upon previous choices and experiences. One day we find our Self in a very difficult life situation. How do we ask for help? Where do we go? Do we run? I cannot tell you how often I have heard someone say, “I will leave. I do not know where I will go but I will leave.” Another thought I hear quite a bit is, “I am too tired to fight anymore. I don’t care if I don’t get anything, I just want out!” These thoughts if acted upon can lead to homelessness.

And then there is the addict or alcoholic. No one chooses to be an addict! I don’t know of a single individual who awakened one morning and said, “I want to be in the greatest suffering life can offer!! I want to be an addict!!” It doesn’t happened that way. The person is already familiar with the abuse pattern from life experience. The use of alcohol or a drug opens them to being seduced by the illusion of a relief (substance) that recreates the vicious abuse cycle that is already active within them. They do not know they are falling victim to the substance until it is too late. Some will choose to use until they die. Most are desperate for help and love. All are suffering.

Welfare is not an answer! It is not even support. It is useless at this point. We need a way to empower those who are suffering. To heal them to a point that they can stand on their own and WANT to work and live! We need people who are willing to reach out and feed them so that they can have the strength necessary to even WANT to heal or move forward. The problem is, we need resources. We need independent charities that are structured to empower, train and place these people – Boca Helping Hands is a great example. We need charities that will address the mental and emotional issues. We need charities that will fund scholarship treatment for the substance abuse needs. We need charities that will pay for the medical treatment. THEN we need the police, sheriffs and paramedics/firefighters to know how to transport. Or maybe we need a charity that is central for the assessment and placement.

So, I ask you to ponder the situation. Let’s come up with a solution. The holidays are upon us and they are about unconditional acceptance and unity. Could there be a better time to rise up from judgment and separateness and unite for the good of all?

Why are you attached to seeing what isn’t good enough? Or, maybe you find your Self feeling like everyone is against you in some way, e.g., cannot be trusted, take from you, rip you off, talk behind your back? These are signs of living in a state of misery or fear.

If you are familiar with my writings you know that all emotions can be categorized as either love-based or fear-based. So, let’s simplify the addiction-to-misery philosophy. If misery/depression is a fear-based experience then it is going to need to create a fear-based environment to thrive. Make sense? Consequently, it is not just the feeling but the context within which it thrives.

So, if you know someone or are someone who is constantly sad, worried, or depressed, how might it serve them or you to be in that fear-based state of existence? Don’t say it doesn’t!! Don’t judge the answer!! Just listen to your inner voice as it starts to answer the question: How does it serve me to stay focused on the negative? The question feels like: what am I hoping to see happen as a result of this pattern or behavior or what is the wish behind the pattern or behavior?

Oftentimes, people find that they are feeling lonely and as if no one cares. They may then find that it serves them to be in misery because people try to help them or pull them out — or more! They get to the point where they feel “comfortable” in their discomfort and don’t know why. That is precisely why we ask our Self at that time, “How does it serve me?”.

We live in a fear-driven society. So, initially, people attend to the misery, pain, suffering of others. Life, however, is not experienced in the suffering but in the joy and happiness of living. Consequently, after time, people begin to pull away or create limited relationships with those who stay in their misery or pain. It is at this point of others pulling away that the pained person feels the futility of hoping for happiness and feels as if they have a right to be depressed or negative.

There is yet another level of kick from this pattern. If you or the person you know is in a state of believing others are “always” against you in some way, then you have probably developed a defensive stance that is not trusting. If someone is in a world of not trusting, how do they know trust? They don’t. Consequently, they find themselves picking the contractor, employee, or life-partner who is limited in their ability to be trusted. The outcome is again feeling the futility that there is anyone out there worth trusting.

To heal, you must be ready to feel happy. Then it is a matter of becoming aware of how pervasive the pattern is in your life. Once you have a solid awareness, you find your answers to how it serves you. Then you work on the needs that come out of that answer. Your Soulful Self or True Self is nothing but love. There is nothing to fear about love. Going toward the truth of who you are begins opening the doors to love and fulfillment. It is an expansive experience that never stops expanding. The fear that consumes you when you are living in pain, limits you and makes you feel small, insignificant. Which would you rather experience? Take the plunge. Dive into your Self and learn the experiences you truly wish to have in this life and go for it!!

Have you ever felt so defensive that your heart was pounding, or you felt you had no choice in the matter, or you felt you were waiting for someone else to make a decision that was going to affect you and your life, or….? Learn how to remain in your power regardless of what is happening around you!

You have a beautiful, strong, graceful power within you that is part of your truth! We all do! Many times in life you may feel powerless and small. In order to not slip away from that powerful graceful You, you must know what challenges get illuminated when the power temporarily leaves or hides. You also want to understand that it is a force that takes you away from that truth of your own power. In this blog, I will address just that.

Someone or something that “goes against” you or your rights is a force. It is coming from a place of ego or prideful will. It is a fear-based effort. For example, if I tell you that you have to go to work at 8 AM even though you own your own business, I am forcing you to do it my way because my ego says I know best because I am fearful of you not doing good enough! You then feel the energy of my core feeling of not being good enough and feel your power slip and your confidence may eventually slip. If, however, you are aware of your Self and your power, your response to my ridiculous effort to control my own emotional chaos would be, “ Are you fearful or untrusting about my work? Tell me what is happening within you that makes you push me out the door before I would normally leave?” Most people would get defensive and then make assumptions about my comment that would lead them farther from their power.

Knowing that all people have a fear-based set of emotions that dictate their challenges in this life and a set of love-based emotions that define their truth, helps you to begin the process of letting their words be theirs. When you listen intently to the content of the other’s words in absence of this awareness, you are following their thoughts, worries, opinions, etc. By following another you are leaving your Self and truth behind. It is at this point that you leave your Self open to losing connection with your power.

As you go through this week see if you can watch others speak and see when they are speaking from their fear-based “stuff” and when they are speaking from their love-based truth!

I will address different aspects of feeling powerless in future blog writings. Enjoy this start!!

How does a couple maintain their love and romance once children are in the mix? So often I watch couples, with whom I work, struggle with how to define their relationship and their conversations once they have children. We are a people who have difficulty maintaining loving relationships in general: approximately 80% of our dating relationships dissolve and of the 20% that become permanent, 60% dissolve!! Do our children further enhance the difficulties??

Maybe! As parents, you are first and foremost partners to one another. The family structure was meant to be the parents as the pillar or backbone of the family. The problem is that we do not know how to develop our relationships. So, consequently, when the children come into the relationship, it is very easy to make them your focus! If the focus and the conversations are all about the children then, obviously, the relationship starts to fall apart or fragment.

Our children learn about relationships or partnerships by observing their parents. So, if the parents are not focused on themselves as a partnership, I wonder what the children are learning??

As parents, most couples struggle with the balance of maintaining their own relationship with the relationships they share with their children. Part of the imbalance comes from the “need” to entertain our children. Most comes from a breakdown in the communication: verbally, physically, and sexually. Parents who share in the observing and raising of their children feel the team work and camaraderie. Parents who divide and conquer are actually softly doing that to their relationship as well! Parents who maintain a traditional structure, have to adapt to a partnership that is not traditional! Although one parent may stay home, our culture today is not the same as it was many years ago. There are many influences on the individual at home working versus the one outside the home working and on maintaining household income levels.

There is a need to learn to communicate in a way that grows the partnership and continues to open each partner to the other. Life is infinite. It feels finite by the barriers imposed by fears and the past. As partners you have to constantly stoke your trust so that it is continually evolving as you evolve. This helps the two people to consistently open themselves to one another. Each partner is looking for fulfillment and happiness in their life. Rarely does one partner intend to be hurtful, distant or destructive. It happens because of the history in each of your lives. So, as a couple, you need to heal that which interferes in your intimacy and openness so that you can remain as your Self to the other and, so that, you can explore the other constantly. Further, as a couple, it is important to be conscious of the compassion in your heart. If, as a couple, you can be in a state of compassion when you communicate, you will not take things as personally and always be looking out for the best for your partner and your Self. There are many tricks I can teach to maintaining the romance but that is for another article. In the meantime, remember:

“The greatest gift you will ever give your children is your own healing.”

Pick up the March issue of Our Town News magazine for more on this topic. I’m also proud to announce my cover story will appear in their Broward edition.

WEEK FOUR

We have all had it drilled into us that healthy eating and exercise are critical to a balance in life. Yet some people exercise too much, some not at all, and some people exercise and feel stressed by it. Where do you lie in that continuum? How do you understand and define healthy eating? Do you find yourself going on diets to lose weight and then gaining weight back again? Do you desire to eat healthy? What does that mean to you? Is it a lifestyle or a temporary diet change? To exercise and eat healthy is to bring balance into your life but when exercise and healthy eating are not clearly defined, it can actually lead to stress and imbalance rather than balance in your life.

Stress, Self and Better Health: Exercise and Diet

Let’s start with exercise. How do you define exercise? And, once you’ve defined it, how do you exercise? Is it easy for you to initiate exercise? Is exercise on your daily calendar? How is it on your daily calendar? It is important to know what you enjoy and don’t enjoy. You may not think you enjoy ANY physical activity. If so, is there any activity that you enjoy watching? Or is there someone whose activity is of some interest to you? There are many ways to find your form of exercise!

Not many people exercise in a way that is freeing of stress and complementary to their health. Why? They are exercising because they think they should, they’re exercising because they want the external results, they are exercising to stay away from emotions, and so much more. For some, exercising is truly enjoyable. Are you one of the many who would like to exercise but can’t seem to get started or stay consistent? If you are pushing your self to do something that is counter to your desires oftentimes you will have those results. Again, to bring things into balance you need to know where you are in conflict with your desires and interests.

Eating healthy is another interesting dilemma for many. There are many ways to eat healthy. It can be an individual style. When do you find you are least apt to eat healthy: when you are in a rush, hurting, angry, etc.? Those influences must be honored before you can design a healthy eating lifestyle that brings balance into your life. Foods that you like and don’t like are important to acknowledge. Foods that your body does not tolerate need to be addressed as well. Do you tend to eat until you feel full? Do you not eat enough? Do you binge? When there are imbalances in what you “should” be eating and what you find yourself eating, you must stop and ask why?

What you eat and how you exercise influences your emotional, physical, and spiritual health. It is a vital part to balance in your life. Yet, by not seeing your internal balance with food and exercise, you could be adding an extra layer of imbalance in your already-stressed life!

Your challenge this week is to list the pros and cons of your current exercise program. If you don’t have one, then list what an ideal exercise program would be for you (be as creative as you’d like!). Now, pick 3 things you would like to change about your eating and/or 3 things you like about your eating. List your favorite must-have foods.

I am not making a political statement nor am I making a statement regarding our immigration policy. I am making a statement about the righteousness of the American people when they believe, egotistically, that they have the right to hate the diversity of fellow Americans! It is that very diversity that gave us the opportunity to be free!!

Why do people hate? As Americans we are a culture and country created of people from multiple countries. So when did we decide to hate the very diversity that defines us? If “we judge only in the way we are fearful of being judged“, then what does that say about all of those who are showing hate for diverse individuals these days?

The only people who are truly American and are not descendants from another nation are the Native American Indians! No one needs to doubt that! And yet, those who are showing hate towards people who are from other countries are the same people hating the native Indians!! That suggests that they are fearful of anyone different than their Selves. That puts them in a very dark force and removes them from their light.

Prejudice has always been seen as black magic, or what today some call evil. It goes against the rhythm of life and life’s teachings. It goes against the human rights of another. It is pure fear iced with ignorance. In this country we have freedom of speech. It is that very freedom of speech that, when used to spew dark prejudice, imprisons the speaker. It’s ironic how people will use their freedom to imprison themselves. Furthermore, those feelings of hate or prejudice are only within the person feeling them. Those emotions are eating at the very heart of those who speak the harsh words. To make it even more sad, those very people who are speaking such hurt, experience a desire for unconditional love and acceptance in their own lives!

America is built upon and defined by the most high spiritual principles. Have we forgotten that? Have we decided we’re not capable of living up to that? Instead of standing in a state of fearful, fragmenting, hatred, why can’t we choose to stand in unity, harmony, and love? When we go against the people IN this nation, we go against the people OF this nation and we go against the very virtues and integrity of the nation itself. So when you tell the Americans who have migrated here from elsewhere to go back to their countries you are in essence telling the nation to go to hell.

To those of you who choose to hate, I offer you a challenge. If you think you have such strength to hate then do you have such strength to accept and do you have such strength to understand that the soul is the truth that lives on. And do you have the strength to heal your spirit from the very fears and fear-based thoughts or experiences so that you may find true freedom in this life. After all, we are all one.

Thank you, Coca-Cola for your inspiration and your grounding in life’s principles. You are teaching a nation to be free!

If you had no money how would you gift during the holidays? Would you know how to gift during the holidays?

Oftentimes people get caught up in buying the gifts: the expensive gifts, multiple gifts, or the perfect gift. No matter your style, are you caught up in buying the gift? When you buy the gift is it coming from you for them? Do you know the person for whom you are buying the gift well enough to know what would please them? Does your gift carry meaning for you? For example, does your gift have to be special so that you feel good enough when giving it.

We are bombarded by advertisements, marketing pitches, commercials, all telling us to buy buy buy. They even cater to the children so that the children will ask “Santa” to buy buy buy. Technology pushes for the latest and greatest so that we will buy buy buy. Is that what Christmas and the Holidays are about?

When we buy buy buy do we buy American? Do we buy from our immediate community? Do we support our neighbor? Or are we too worried about that perfect gift that we do not get creative enough to support those who support us? We have lost the idea of gift giving.

So, imagine you have no money. What would be your gift? It would be you. Do you know how you are the gift? Would you know what it is about you that you are gifting? Maybe it’s time,during this holiday season, to look within and know what it is that makes you such a magnificent gift!! Then, look across at the person to whom you are giving gifts and recognize in them that beautiful gift they are to you! Take the time to consciously recognize and appreciate the gift of the lives and people around you during this holiday season. If you live this holiday as if it is your entire life, you will know that the only gift that has meaning is the gift that is you.

Please share a story of a gift you have given or received that stands out to you!