It is the end of 2014 and the beginning of 2015. I truly wish you all a year of abundance and balance. That means you all must be able to make your dreams come true!! Last year I wrote about New Years’ Resolutions and gave some suggestions for making the goal a reality. This year I am going to talk about how things must end in order for new things to be created. Before you read on, take a few minutes and make a list (even if abbreviated) of your New Years’ Resolutions.

Let me begin. In order for this minute to exist the previous minute must end. In life, we tend to hold onto things, feelings, perceptions, ideals that no longer allow us to prosper. These attachments serve you in some way and it is important to know how. It is the attachment, or holding on, to “stuff” that does not allow the new goal/wish to begin or to withstand time.

We must let go of 2014 to invite in 2015. We must say goodbye. We all had challenges and achievements. All of them were gifts. We must say goodbye to what was so we can build the dream of what is. We must say goodbye so that the gifts of all of those past experiences can open new doors. We cannot say goodbye if we are attached to the “stuff”. What stops you from letting go?

This year has an overall meaning of abundance and balance but also includes goals, prosperity, self confidence and more. That means that the opposite can also become prominent if you have challenges in those areas. As examples, you must let go of your hidden beliefs of lack in order to step into the flow of abundance; you must let go of your hidden beliefs of not receiving in order to become lean in an area of life; you must let go of fears in order to have balance.

Now ask your Self what you must be willing to release in order to create each of your new goals/wishes. I invite you to think about and understand the letting-go portion of manifesting your goals so that you can begin your journey toward your dreams. Take your time. List every thought, expectation, learning, judgment, etc. that needs to be released, that needs to end, in order for the new resolution to begin. We cannot live in the present if we are anchored in the past. We cannot create a new beginning if we are holding onto what was.

This New Year is a grand opportunity for each of you. Embrace it. Face it. Create it. Do not allow your Self to be seduced into experiences you do not wish to have. Take charge of your dreams. Know your Self and what you wish to experience. Believe in the goals you write. Then begin by saying goodbye to all of that which you learned to hold onto because others’ needed you to agree with them. You are now poised for a magical new year of great beginnings in your life.

I wish you all a great New Year. One in which all of your dreams become clear and begin to manifest as your reality. Life is grand, it is freedom. I hope you all feel its embrace in this new year.

Join me as I talk with Marcy Heller (Mystical Marcy) as we discuss numerology, the ancient healing arts and how time has lead us to pay close attention to the more simple ways of life.

I saw a young motorcyclist get hit broadside and killed the other night.  I was 3 cars back in the left lane when the guy making a left hit and killed the motorcyclist.  The young man didn’t even know what hit him.  He appeared to die instantly. He was on his way home from work. It was an overcast but clear afternoon.  He had no idea that night was his time to cross.  His family and friends were not prepared.  Here one minute and gone the next.  It was sad.  Yet there is a gift in his death.

We all die.  Most people live so unconsciously they do not know when they are going to die.  Others are conscious in their living and have a knowing or at least an awareness. And yet others suffer with illness that allows them an external awareness they are dying.  The experience of this young man’s death brought me a gift.  If I die tomorrow, what is the legacy I leave behind?  Then I asked a second question.  What is the legacy I wish to leave behind?

This life has purpose. Each of you is capable of learning that purpose.  It is inside you and about the experience YOU are having on this plane: your internal experiencing of life.  It is about the challenges you face and if you choose to master or continue to allow the suffering.  It is about the relationships you forge and how true they are to you and how true you are to them.  This life is about living beyond the suffering that it presents to you.  All challenges can lead to greener pastures if you look for the gift they offer in their purpose.

That young man’s life had definition and his death was a part of that purpose and definition. It was a shorter experience than he “thought” and that his family and friends “thought”. We all have free will.  There may be choice points along the path of life that allow us to cross or continue.  The more conscious we are in our living, the more we see on the path of life and, consequently, the greater our opportunity for conscious choice. If our focus is on our job, our money, or what others think and expect of us, then we do not know who we are fully.  The external focus is not of you and who you are.  It is about others and things. If you knew you were going to die tomorrow would you work 12 hours today and go home frustrated? Would you focus on meeting expectations that please others leaving your Self lonely and unattended to? Would you be worried about the person who accidentally cut you off? Ask your Self if your last day would be better by not taking work so seriously that you carry it home with you. Would it be more fulfilling to feel known and understood? Would you be grateful that the person did not hit you for both of your sake’s (no one wants to hit anyone).

Allow the short life of that young man to gracefully gift all of us.  Take the time this week to write down the legacy you would leave behind if you died tomorrow.  Then ask yourself what legacy you wish to leave behind in this life.  Do they match?  Be sure they are complete.  Think about your eulogy and how you would be described by each person in your inner circles: your partner, boss, colleagues, employees, family members, neighbors, friends, etc.  Take the time necessary to be thorough in your definition of your legacy.  Then live it!  Every day live!  Feel life! Feel your Self alive!  Feel your choices and interactions and mistakes and…..  Let this young man’s short life be a gift toward fulfillment in yours!  May each of you find joy within!

Thank you!

I want to personally thank you for your support! I am so grateful to be stepping into the next phase of my dream. This Thanksgiving is about the gratitude that I feel for each and every person who has supported me. I am so grateful to be grateful.

I will be celebrating my gratitude for MANY things, events, and people in my life. A few I would like to share are:

I could go on. This is why it is my favorite holiday.

I thank you all for all that you are and for all of your support. I hope this Thanksgiving gives you an opportunity to reflect on all for which you have to be grateful!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

We are one week away from Thanksgiving. I am being asked about managing the holidays without stress. Each time I get the question, I ask what the person means by holiday stress?! Inevitably they are referring to the demands of gifts, money, and events. Thanksgiving is not about all of that. It is about being grateful for what you have received. It is about sharing the freedom of this country and the life it affords us. It is about family, neighbors, friends, diversity.

What do we do to prepare for Thanksgiving? Do we put as much into this holiday as we do the next few? Probably not. Yet, what could be more important than the gratitude we feel and the thanks we give for all we receive? What could keep unity stronger than each of us expressing sincere gratitude and thanks for each other as Americans, past and present? The impact of an entire country honoring its freedom and founding principles with great thanks and sincere gratitude is profound. Yet, we do not put as much energy into this celebration. Is part of it because we do not “have to” buy the gifts?

What if preparing for Thanksgiving was about going inward and putting together a Thanksgiving List consisting of that for which you are grateful? It’s free!! It’s giving! It’s receiving! We are gifting and receiving only from within. No money. The value of YOU and the value of LIFE and the value of FREEDOM, UNITY, and EQUALITY are the gifts. They are more valuable than all of the store-bought gifts in the world. We forget how priceless those gifts truly are.

Starting NOW, while reading this, create a list over the next week and prepare yourself for an exchange of the gifts of gratitude and thanks. Include those with whom you will be celebrating Thanksgiving by asking them to bring a list of that for which they are grateful and want to offer thanks. Then declare a spot in your house, e.g., refrigerator cork board, or empty wall space, for everyone to post their lists.

At the dinner table, while sharing a traditional meal, meant to reflect the original meal, ask everyone to share their top 2 or 3 gifts for which they are grateful. The table will come to life with unity and open sharing as each person opens themselves to the truth of their gifts.
Happy Thanksgiving to you all! I am grateful for each of you who reads my blog and supports my dream. I am grateful for the opportunity to watch my dream unfold. I thank all of my friends, family, clients, neighbors, and pets for who you each are! You fill my life with joy and magik!

Join me as I speak with health and wellness coach, Deborah Paiva, about spiritual growth and how the food you eat can affect your life.

The most common questions I get asked during the holidays are “How do you stay so calm and relaxed? Don’t you feel the stress?” It is usually followed by the question, “How do I cope with the stress of the holidays?” There is no real secret. I live by knowing what I wish to experience in most of my life. It is in that knowing that I stay within my comfort and calm. Let me lead with an example: I do not enjoy shopping but I do enjoy buying gifts! So, I sit quietly with a glass of wine or hot tea and relax on my dock and create a list. It is never a complete exhaustive list but it is always inclusive of the key people in my life. Then I thoroughly enjoy thinking of a special gift. Once I have comfortable come to a completion of developing the list, I stop. I may stop before I have a gift listed for everyone and for me that is ok! I know for whom I am still thinking about gifts. I keep my eyes open throughout the days until something goes “Yea! That’s it!” I then add that idea to the list. I enjoy this process!! It’s fun for me!! I may also add people to my list as I go forward.

I remember when I was married. My husband was a Grinch when it came to shopping for the holidays until one day I said, “Follow me. We are going to go to Capital Grill in the mall and have a drink and strategize this event. It will be fun, I promise.” He agreed!! We sat and had some hors d’oeuvres at the bar and created a list of everyone for whom we had to buy. We then added the gift or store from which we wanted to purchase. We then ordered the shops by virtue of where they were in the mall. I made a reservation for dinner at Capital Grill for 1.5 hours later. The challenge was to get all the shopping done and get back to the restaurant before the reservation! He thought I was crazy until we had a ball together! We did the same routine every year and every year we enjoyed the experience together!

So, I was asked to speak to a business group regarding Stress and the Holidays so I handed out cards with 3 questions what are the top 3 stressors for you during the holidays, what are your coping mechanisms for stress, and what is your number one question regarding stress. The answers are the basis to this blog article. I hope this is helpful to you all!! Happy Holidays!

YOUR TOP STRESSORS

As you read this list you can see there are numerous “things” that influence stress in peoples’ lives. As I mentioned in the talk, stress only occurs where there are expectations. So, let’s look at the stressors and see the patterns of expectations that weave through them.

The shopping for and matching and buying of gifts are often stressors due to the buyer’s need to meet the expectations of the recipient so that they are pleased. You forget that YOU are the greatest gift! What kinds of gifts can you give that are simply of you. The need to spend on gifts suggests that the gift of YOU is not valued the same. The shopping and time can of course feel like a part of the too much to do! Again, you are feeling stress from the expectations of getting “it” all done. What would you like to do? Guilt that may be felt around having to buy gifts for those who bought you gifts is pure expectation and fear of judgment! It is okay to simply receive!!! In order for giving to be complete you simply have to receive. You obviously give of YOURSELF in some way to the person who bought you a gift. Allow your Self to be the gift they received! Thanks and gratitude are generally ALL the giver needs to feel complete. If a charity felt they had to give a gift to everyone who gifted them where would they be? It is not necessary to give a gift to everyone who gives a gift to you!

The traffic, crowds, travel, and lines can all have a crossover with the juggling numerous activities at once and time restrictions. You are only restricted by time when you are doing more than you are wishing to do or are able to do. You are only doing too much because you think you “should” (expectations). What are you able to do and what would you wish to do to prepare for a holiday celebration? What kind of holiday celebration would you like to experience? Allow your Self to define the holidays as you would like to experience them. Given that experience and your preferences, accept your money and work schedule. Another aspect of these stressors is to find a way to enjoy the crowds and lines. Make it a personal challenge to spread smiles! Leave yourself enough time to accept the lines and crowds. Or shop in a way that does not require you to deal with traffic, crowds, and lines. Once you have put these small tasks into motion, see how you can begin to build a more relaxed enjoyable holiday experience. A final note about being around others: being around stressed people can increase your stress. Stress or anxiety is contagious. You can feel it from others. Again this is why it is critical to know the experience YOU wish to have. Others’ experiences, then, are less likely to be of influence.

The events that occur during the holidays are intended to be for celebration and gratitude for the relationships shared. Yet, for many, the events become expectations and then when they are in conflict with other events or there are just too many, people can feel stress from not being able to go to all events “as expected”. This is counter to the intent of most events. There is always someone somewhere who is going to have to say no. Why can’t that be you? It is inside you that YOU come up with the reasons why you cannot say no. Yet, when you are struggling to NOT say no, ask yourself if you would say no in a situation where there was a necessity (illness, travel, etc.). If you would, then you can say no simply because it is necessary for YOU to say no! Learn to listen to your Self. Honor your Self first and then honor the invitations! Learn to stop responding to the expectations of others. If you are struggling with the abiity to say “No” then more than likely you are feeling the pressure of too much to do!

Then there are the guests and family that we have to entertain or by whom be entertained! I think if you were to sit quietly in your thoughts, you would be able to define the expectations of these others and see how you are trying to meet the demands and expectations of the many instead of staying within your own experience and self. If you cannot get to every family member’s homes then you cannot. If they cannot all get to yours, then they cannot. And what about the way family sees family? The dynamics of family can be conflictual because of perceptions. Growing up together everyone has very different views of themselves and each other.

HOW YOU COPE

All of the coping strategies up until number 18 are valid. If you are not using them, you may want to explore the use of several of them. Anyhting you may do in a ceremonial or ritualistic way can be healing and releasing of stress.

I want to address the use of “doing” in reaction to stress separately. The act of “doing” so that you can avoid the stress, keeps the stress and it’s destructive impact alive in the background. Think about it, to avoid something you must know where it is in order to stay away from it. Consequently, if you are staying active in order to avoid stress you must know what and where the stress is to keep it at bay. If, however, you are “doing” in order to keep moving through a “to do” list, then you are coping!! Mostly because putting something off, or procrastinating, can increase the stress as you get anticipate it coming due. How are you using activity or “doing”? If it is in the former way, you may want to stop and relax, meditate, journal, or breathe!! If it is the former, good for you!!

Let’s look at alcohol, drugs, and food. They are all stressors in our lives unless used in moderation and without connection to emotion. Once any of these are connected to our emotions, in particular, avoiding or masking them, they become significant stressors and can become habitual and, consequently, destructive. When I talk of drugs, I include prescriptions. During the holidays it becomes particularly easy to use substances to avoid the emotional and physical stress. Unfortunately, however, we are a people of dependent style. We tend to be externally focused. These characteristics lend to the use of substance to calm us, heal us, and take care of us. The truth is, it doesn’t work. Substance, whether, alcohol, drugs, or food, do not calm, heal, or take care of us at a time of stress, anxiety, or fear. When we use them to do so, we are further increasing the physical stressors and, at times, the chemical and emotional stressors which is further destroying ourselves. If you find yourself using any of the three during stressful times, do not judge yourself or label yourself. I would, however, recommend you speak to someone who can help you sort through the stress and the need for care. You need a person and your Self at those times not substance.

YOUR QUESTIONS ABOUT STRESS

In order to cope with stress you must know your stressors and the expectations associated with them. Once you are aware of that you can begin the process of developing the experience you wish to have in various situations. Knowing the experience you wish to have in any situation in life allows you a great opening to see the expectations of others and how you were and are trying to meet them. Being able to live beyond expectations removes a HUGE percentage of stress. It allows you to begin to live in absence of stress. What I mean by that is we may have stress approach you but you are so aware of the experience you wish to have that you address and move beyond the stressor immediately. You are no longer avoiding or skirting the stressor but knowing what you wish to do allows you to eliminate it – gracefully.

I am very often asked why we would want to live without stress. Some think it motivates them, some think it protects them, and some think it is serves them in other ways. The truth is that stress does not need to exist – at all. Our lives have become so “demanding” that we have introduced stress into it and have then glamourized it. We have huge profitability in “Stress Management” programs. So, it is imperative that we have stress so that we can be taught how to manage it! To some of my Executive officers with whom I work, they say “At work stress is good because it is fun and part of the relationships!” Ugh! There is, ultimately, no need for stress. At the beginning, we made need some stress to keep us alert to danger, but only at the beginning. Once we are living in absence of fear, we have no use for stress or stressors.

Never do you want to avoid! Certainly you do not want to avoid stress because the very act of “trying” to avoid stress creates stress!! Aaah! Please do not try to avoid stress! Allow your Self to stay aware of what stresses you and then ask yourself what the expectations are that define it. Then you can ask how to move beyond those expectations if it isn’t already clear.

We get sick from stress because it weakens the immune system. If you eliminate or mitigate stress, obviously you eliminate illness from it. From the beginning, with the indigenous people around the world, it was known that “stress” (imbalance) causes illness and injury. In order to truly eliminate illness due to stress, you must eliminate stress. If, however, you are feeling stressed and don’t want to get sick, I recommend you use a Germ Bullet to ward off most illnesses that are able to attack you during a weakened immune response to stress. For more information on the Germ Bullet, please go to nsaroma.com or call 561.393.0065.

The bottom line is this: in order to live without the impact of stress you must eliminate it. There are many ways to “manage” the stress you have and that is wonderful as the first step. Once you are managing your stress, you need to eliminate it. Or, for some of you who are achievement oriented, you can go directly to eliminating your stress!

I thank you all for the opportunity! May your days be free, fun, and without expectations!

We have lost our hearts and our minds!

A 90-Year old man and 2 Reverends were arrested for feeding the homeless in public!

What are Fort Lauderdale and many other cities in the country thinking when they post laws that prohibit feeding or gifting the homeless! Now we are cluttering our courts and jails with homeless and citizens of service!!! I am truly speechless. I feel a deep anger and pain inside me for the hideousness of this thought process!

My anger asks: What if we DON’T use jails for the innocent? What if we don’t create crimes out of good behavior? Is this about cities and counties making money?

Then my calm heart asks: What are some of the other options?

Too often I hear people (family members included) saying “Get off the street and get a job!” What an incomplete thought that is!!! How do they propose a homeless person do that? Are they going to buy a paper to look for a job? Oops, most job postings aren’t in the paper anymore. Ok. They are going to walk into a public library (without being asked to leave because they are dirty or smelly) and look at the listings on the internet! GREAT! Then what? How do they make a call? (Pay phones are very rare!!) How do they get to the location to fill out an application? How do they clean their clothes? How do they shower? How do they return for the interview?
With no job, how do they eat?

There is a very big difference between homeless and street people. Our street people are those who live on the street and prefer to be left there. More often than not these people are suffering from severe mental illness that is untreated. In the state of Florida a majority of the counties do not have programs for the mentally ill and their medication. How do we solve that double bind? NOT FEED THEM? Arrest them for eating or asking for meals or money? That is NOT a solution.

The homeless are a more varied group. They may be individuals and families who have truly been displaced from their homes and do not know the resources available. They may be our veterans who have fought for our freedom and now suffer because they cannot enjoy freedom in their own lives. They may be addicts or alcoholics. They may be injured or handicapped in a way that did not allow them to keep a job and so they are now living on the street. They may be our runaway children. This group is a majority of the people on the streets. We, as a people, can help each and every one of these people get back on their feet but not by angrily judging them or assuming they just need to get a job! The apathy many of us have witnessed is very sad. “It’s their choice” people say! Yes it is but not in the way they mean it when they are angrily discharging themselves of guilt and responsibility for a fellow soulful being.

Every day we make a series of choices, hundreds, some we don’t even notice. Each of those choices builds upon previous choices and experiences. One day we find our Self in a very difficult life situation. How do we ask for help? Where do we go? Do we run? I cannot tell you how often I have heard someone say, “I will leave. I do not know where I will go but I will leave.” Another thought I hear quite a bit is, “I am too tired to fight anymore. I don’t care if I don’t get anything, I just want out!” These thoughts if acted upon can lead to homelessness.

And then there is the addict or alcoholic. No one chooses to be an addict! I don’t know of a single individual who awakened one morning and said, “I want to be in the greatest suffering life can offer!! I want to be an addict!!” It doesn’t happened that way. The person is already familiar with the abuse pattern from life experience. The use of alcohol or a drug opens them to being seduced by the illusion of a relief (substance) that recreates the vicious abuse cycle that is already active within them. They do not know they are falling victim to the substance until it is too late. Some will choose to use until they die. Most are desperate for help and love. All are suffering.

Welfare is not an answer! It is not even support. It is useless at this point. We need a way to empower those who are suffering. To heal them to a point that they can stand on their own and WANT to work and live! We need people who are willing to reach out and feed them so that they can have the strength necessary to even WANT to heal or move forward. The problem is, we need resources. We need independent charities that are structured to empower, train and place these people – Boca Helping Hands is a great example. We need charities that will address the mental and emotional issues. We need charities that will fund scholarship treatment for the substance abuse needs. We need charities that will pay for the medical treatment. THEN we need the police, sheriffs and paramedics/firefighters to know how to transport. Or maybe we need a charity that is central for the assessment and placement.

So, I ask you to ponder the situation. Let’s come up with a solution. The holidays are upon us and they are about unconditional acceptance and unity. Could there be a better time to rise up from judgment and separateness and unite for the good of all?

I remember being in graduate school working on my PhD in counseling psychology. The judgment was that anybody studying a doctorate without a science background didn’t have a “good” degree. When did science become so everything? Was it science that influenced the people to believe there had to be proof, physical proof? When people started to rely on science for the proof did they also stop believing in their intuition and their wisdom? Is it science and people’s belief in it that influenced many people to stop believing in their own self? When science started telling society the way it is, was society already primed to believe in external facts rather than internal wisdom? Is this a part of why so many of the people no longer think on their own but rely on the information from elsewhere?

Today science has proven, in its own way, a lot of what indigenous people knew as truths about life. The original people of the land learned these truths by being one with the earth, themselves, and Spirit. They listened. They lived. They had elders and their communities. Wisdom, it is not intellect or knowledge. Wisdom is a knowingness that comes from the inside. It is anchored in life’s truths. From where does it come? How is it that all of the indigenous people, regardless of continent, came to the same truths, had some of the same tools and ceremonies, and shared similar definitions of symbols in life around them?

Psychology, the science of the mind, is an intellectual analysis of the story of your life. Today, the most common psychologies are behavioral and cognitive, CBT: minimal emotions and introspection. Yet, all of life occurs on the inside of you. Everything is driven by your subconscious. Furthermore, more is driven by your unconscious. Psychology would have you believe you must analyze, analyze, analyze. Psychology may also have you believe that you must listen to what others tell you to think and how others tell you to behave! That is antithetical to living in a state of joy, love, and fulfillment.

We have become a culture that demands proof of all external things in our lives. We have become a culture with an external focus. We’ve become a culture of people who wait to be told what to do. A culture that waits to be told what is right and what is wrong. How did that get started? That question may not be any more than rhetoric but ask yourself why you don’t listen to your Self and your own thoughts. Why do most of our teens and young adults not know their dream? Did we really lose sight of who we are on the inside? Today most are bound to a life dependent upon expectations, assumptions and judgments. Those are the very pieces that bring fear and take us away from love and happiness. Most people have an external focus of life (e.g., expectations, assumptions, judgments). Is science partially responsible for this external focus? How did we learn to leave ourselves behind and focus on everything else? Where did we learn to insist that the other prove their stance, their worth, their thought, or their opinion?

Ask yourself why you like particular colors and why you like particular people and why you like a particular career. All of that liking is because of an experience it creates inside you. To analyze the facts or to get lost in your history or to try to explain life, is to miss the point. Everything in this life happens with a purpose. How do we flow in the rhythm of life? How do we embrace every experience as just an experience? How do we let go of our judgments, our expectations, and our assumptions? Can each of you imagine that if we did free and in a rhythm that allows a state of forgiveness?

We need to come back to who we are. Not from an analytic perspective where we are thinking, thinking, thinking, but from an experience or place of knowing. You know who you are and yet you don’t. Society has taught you, from the time you could understand, how to be like them rather than how to be who we are. Science reaffirms that. Or, maybe it’s the other way around. However, I challenge each of you to think about your own self, ideas, and definitions of why things happen.

Stop analyzing, stop thinking and start feeling, start experiencing.

Listen in as I discuss animal communication with gifted pet psychic Jane Solomon. Join us as we reveal why communication with your pet can enhance your life, as well as your four legged family members.